I could have mohawked her pubes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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