I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
