Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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