Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
