i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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