I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
