woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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