I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love having hate sex.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
