just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
