I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
