Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize