sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
