so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
