i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
how does that bad decision feel?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
