Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
