How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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