Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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