I hate all girls vehemently.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize