Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
