Little spoons don't ask big questions
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
And then he peed in my hair
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