matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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