You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
