how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
