Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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