I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
