Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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