Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
