Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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