Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
