i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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