Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
