How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
