She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
