Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
