Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
