Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
