Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
