can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
