New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, beer. Big fan.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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