My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
