last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
