i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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