Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
