I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
