He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
