if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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