We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
