somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize