Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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