I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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