So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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