I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
