It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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