i barfeds in our rink
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
