you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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