I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
