this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize