the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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