Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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