my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize