loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In other news, I just burned my penis
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
