I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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