Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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