God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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