I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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