i was born a porn star she said
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
