Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have fence marks all over my body
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
