Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
