dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
